Octumom didn't screw me over

Ever since Nadya Suleman popped out a litter, a bevy of duchess-lovers are lighting up the torches. They apparently "feel for me."

"It's not fair," they say.

Because they love me, they have decided that no one, anywhere, ever, deserves a child quite like I do.

I appreciate the sentiment, I really do. But I am fairly certain that Nadya Suleman has never heard of me. So I have to believe that while she was getting jacked up, embryo-wise, she wasn't cackling about screwing me over.

They regale me with rumours of CPS raids and auction blocks and that I should "get in there." Hmmmm, me thinks not.

I'm keeping my cute paws off her progeny. I don't want her children. She wants her children. I am irritated that she decided spending her disability checks on new lips and new mouths to feed instead of attending to the small soccer team she already had, but as deluded and in denial and scared she must be (and she's gotta be scared, folks), she wants those kids. She'll find a way to raise them... and the Discovery Channel I am sure will lend a hand.

I know my daughter is in China. I know I have a son or daughter in foster care as well. I don't know who they are or where exactly they are, but I do know that they do not have parents that are willing or able to parent them.

My Duchess-lovers do not understand this of course, but no worries, Nadya, you have nothing to fear from me.